The Inconsequential Almanacke

on the road again

2008-01-30T05:10:36Z

In mid-February I begin the second half of the final Seem To Be Player tour. It has a few weeks of cross-country travel, with performances as far away in different directions as CA, FL, and CT, plus a few weeks of the traditional Every-Grade-School-in-Topeka-KS shows.

The first, autumn half of the tour was really nice, especially when I realized how many of the theaters I had performed in before, sometime during the 20 plus years I have toured, off and on, with Seem To Bes. I actually met some parents of children seeing this production who remembered seeing me in a Seem To Be show when they were kids; it made me feel damn old but also damn proud.

This is likely not only my last tour but my last work with childrens' theatre. I have always enjoyed it, and as hard as it is for me to admit out loud, I am one of the best childrens theatre performers nobody ever heard of. But Ric Averill's Seem To Be Players are ending their touring program, and I don't want to run around the country looking for brief, underpaid gigs alongside the 20-something nomads.

On the other hand (literally), since my crushed ring finger appears to be healing mostly, and the ripped off fingernail is starting to regrow, I should soon be able to play the guitar again.

This will be an interesting year.

FREEDOM!

2008-01-30T04:48:24Z

Yesterday I chaired my last board meeting as President of the Just Off Broadway Theatre Association. I am glad to be done with the responsibility, as it has had a very negative impact on my personal performing career for the last couple of years. Though I will continue to serve part-time as the Theater Manager, I will no longer be spending 30-50 hours a week working on theater association issues. It remains to be seen if the major projects we have been working on continue to proper conclusions.

The $960,000 building completion program is moving forward in every way - except - the actual bond money has not yet been acquired. Though the TIF plan we are part of has been whittled somewhat, all groups involved still support JOB getting its share for the construction of the rest of the building (including a scene shop/storage area that was not part of the original design). The architects are already working on the plans, with construction expected to take place between summer and Christmas of this year.

Though the Lighting Fund reached its original goal, to achieve what we need will require another $8,000. On the other hand, this remaining amount will probably be easier to obtain than the first $12,000 was.

I have put in 3 years as President, 2 more than I ever intended. The contract with Parks and Rec was renewed, the building completion is in its final stages, the theater is in better physical shape than when I started (except the lighting system), and we have more money in the JOBTA bank account. I need to focus on that rather than the things that we haven't achieved yet.

a little hitching post

2007-04-03T05:15:25Z

In a little less than 2 weeks Erin and I will be married. I've headed down this road twice before. The first died. The second found God, multiple times, with different names, rules and even genders, but misplaced me along the way.
God willing, this one will keep me company to the end of the road. I hope so; she's damn good company.

dusting off the toys

2007-03-07T04:18:11Z

A few years ago, I lost a large box full of valuable roleplaying game materials (the vintage AD&D manuals alone were worth hundreds of dollars). I left them at a house where a group was meeting to begin a 3rd Ed D&D campaign, for people to peruse a while. The campaign fizzled, the various occupants of the house dispersed, and I have no idea what happened to my books and games. It still hurts.

Now I am getting married, and as I prepare to move to new quarters, it is time to consider what to do with my wargame and roleplaying collection.

There are many memories in these boxes. 25mm Zulu warriors and Afghan tribesmen who have faced khaki-clad British and kilted Scots infantry in years of tabletop battles. A colorful but poorly molded 15mm Ancient Roman army that fought its first action in 1976 in an army recreation center at Fort Meade, MD - damn few gamers can pass the oldtimer test of knowing what the phrase "stick Minifigs" means. A box with dozens of Games Workshop's glorious landsknecht dwarven figures (unpainted recruits which were supposed to join hundreds of particoloured companions, left undone after the painted army was sold to cover expenses from the Northridge earthquake). Several armies worth of Eldar and Space Marines, mostly unpainted. A Traveller scifi campaign's wide variety of PCs and NPCs, carefully selected and painted over 4 years of play. WWII western European campaign microarmor, 1/285 scale WWI airplanes and dragonriders for aerial battles, boxes of Magic the Gathering, Legend of the Five Rings, and Star Trek Next Generation cards from the 90s. And no spirit to start playing again.

Well, maybe another swashbuckling campaign . . .

oh, the password is ... swordfish!

2007-03-02T05:24:50Z

After a long time of not being able to get into my LJ stuff, followed by a longer time of giving up trying, I have managed to read a few friendly entries and, if this turns out, make my own update.
Short summary:
- We got the City Council to vote the nearly $1,000,000 to finally finish the Just Off Broadway Theatre.
- Erin finally got in touch with OKRF and accepted a way low offer, so we will be returning to Muskogee in 2007 as Charles V and Lady Margaret, respectively.
- Our wedding will be on April 15, at a beautiful, rustic stone and oak hall, set among wooded hills, overlooking a fishing lake.
- Preparing for White Hart has made it impossible for me to audition for TTIP's production of Fiddler on the Roof. I doubt I will ever get a better shot at Tevya around here.
- Increases in Royal Court gentlemen for White Hart will allow me to assuage that disappointment somewhat, by working on a stage act for White Hart instead of reprising Sir Richard.
- I continue to average over 30 hours a week doing the admin, tech and maintenance work at JOB Theatre, for which I am being paid a moderate 20-hour-weekly sum.

self indulgence Sunday

2006-12-06T04:58:09Z

I agreed to run lights for Beth Byrd's show at Just Off Broadway this week. That includes a Sunday matinee, on my birthday. A December child, I was trained from a very young age not to expect much from birthdays. My wonderfully twisted Commedia friends gave me a birthday party a few years ago; it was my first since sometime in the 1980s.
Normally I would let this one go like many others, but this one is kinda significant. It is my fiftieth, and in about 4 months I will be marrying somebody who has already forgiven me for it.
Aside from running lights at the show, I haven't decided what to do, though three options seem acceptable. I want to watch a few of my favorite movies, I would like to play En Garde, and I might let myself get wasted and tell some outfuckingrageously unbelievable stories that really happened along the way.

As far as the favorite movies go, I have several in mind.
- First and foremost, Mel Brooks' underrated gem, THE TWELVE CHAIRS. The best cinematic telling of a delightful Russian comic short story, in excellent Soviet film style - and I have seen three versions in the original Russian. This movie would be worth it just for Dom DeLuise as the Russian priest.
- Next, another mostly forgotten treasure, WHAT'S UP, DOC. It looks like a Mel Brooks movie, with all the Brooksian regulars in major roles (Kenneth Mars and Madeline Kahn, just for starters). Even Ryan O'Neal and his rocks are funny! And it has the funniest chase scene I have ever seen in a movie with sound. I rate the whole film as funny as Peter Sellers.
- If my limit is three, the third might be MY FAVORITE YEAR. Mark Lynn Baker proves you do not have to be tall, handsome, or studly to be the perfect romantic lead in a Hollywood movie. He is just as funny without Balki. The whole 1950s live comedy tv show theme is great, and the backup actors are phenomenal (particularly Joe Bologna resembling Sid Caesar and Peter O'Toole spoofing Errol Flynn).
- If I went for four, I would want CANNERY ROW, the version with Dr. Hook's incredible boogie woogie piano in the score, John Huston as the Narrator, and a hatful of asskicking character actors in some GOOFY roles (M. Emmet Walsh with a frog in his mouth). Not to mention my personal memories of Monterey, California (which wouldn't matter to anybody else living anyway).

If I were to play En Garde, I would want to try it with a stack of people, more than the usual roleplaying party size. It is a remarkable sortakinda roleplaying game from GDW that came out when Dungeons and Dragons was still 3 small booklets in a cardboard box (the original in the fake woodgrain printed box).
En Garde began more as a wargame system to recreate duels. The creators started adding other activities, and they eventually became more popular than the duels. The goal of the game is for the player characters to increase their social standing, through any or all of the methods of duelling, toadying, carousing, trading influence and favors, obtaining military rank or government appointments, risking death for fame and fortune on military campaigns, gambling, obtaining various sorts of female companionship, and a few others. All the player characters are male (the 3 categories of female NPCs in the game are mistresses, bawds, and the Queen-see the segment on Female Companionship).
This game is so deliciously corrupt and well arranged that just reading the rules is an event. In what other game can your character become the Commissioner of Public Safety, whose job requires that he trump up criminal charges against at least one other character each season? The intro makes it clear, bowing to the Three Musketeers, Sir Harry Flashman, and Danny Kaye.

The drinking and old stories? I may save that for another day with a certain fencng master and a RenFaire owner in Missouri; they are the only folks I can think of who already know how to fill in the blanks.

And, finally, LollaPoeLooza

2006-10-25T05:27:38Z

The 4th almost annual LollaPoeLooza, an Edgar Allen Poe reading marathon for Halloween, is back at the Just Off Broadway Theatre this year. Since Commedia was using the theatre, we gave up the space for Halloween so this semi-traditional event could happen.

It starts the afternoon of October 30 with a new element: an old fashioned family-friendly Halloween carnival outside the theatre (like PTAs used to do at grade schools), with a cakewalk, bobbing for apples, some simple games of chance and skill, and a kid's costume contest. That runs for a few hours, till 7pm, when the readings of Poe begin inside.

The reading of Poe is a free, public event. Volunteers will read the various writings of Poe from 7pm Monday, the 30th, till 7pm Tuesday, Halloween. There may be some repetition of pieces, but one of the goals is to ensure that ALL Poe's writings will be heard before the end.

I am in charge of accepting and scheduling volunteers to help with the carnival as well as readers, so if you are interested and available call the theatre (816-784-50020) or email me at kailung@aol.com. You could leave a posting here, but I don't check this often (I will try to for the next week or so).

Though the reading event itself is free, people are encouraged to donate something towards the JOB lighting fund - we need a new light dimming system and additional theatrical lights (we have a matching fund offer for up to $2,000 that we have a limited time to achieve).

Whether you come to read or listen, come in costume and bring a camera. The Just Off Broadway Theatre is a photo opportunity of tremendous worth - particularly the fortresslike ruins of the old city stables that surround the building.

And who knows? Commedia Sans Arte has the building during this period; I think we will come up with some sort of party after the official readings end at 7pm on Halloween . . .

then there's the workshop . . .

2006-10-25T05:11:37Z

The second Saturday of Commedia's stay at the Just Off Broadway Theatre (Nov 4 to be precise), Mark Wickersham of Five Rings Fencing Association will be conducting a theatrical fencing workshop from 10am-5pm. My first experience with stage combat training was in 1979 at KU, and I have had lots more in bits and pieces over the years. Mark is my favorite instructor (my second is another Mark, Mark Rector - I particularly like his published material on the subject).

The workshop is a heckuva deal at $25 for the day, including a ticket to see the Commedia Halloween show that evening (some might argue that should lower the price, but they should not make that argument to me at the workshop, since my weapons expertise is in firearms.

Mark has done workshops in coordination with us before, though my favorite collaboration with him was the year Commedia Sans Arte used him and Aspen (she is half fencer, half Valkyrie) as stunt doubles for our show fight scenes at KC Renfest for a couple weeks, till Faire management decided that women could not use swords that year. I used to have a video clip; they did the fastest swordplay I saw at Faire that season.

Playtime for Commedia

2006-10-25T04:55:16Z

Commedia's next show opens in less than 48 hours! The Masque of the Red Jest: or, Harlequin Goes to Hell - done with our typical twists on traditional commedia dell arte. We have a very basic scenario, with tons of room for the improvisation that makes it so damn much fun to do. We are again doing a full length, single storyline (with god knows how many digressions along the way). The two constants in all performances are the haunted mansion and the characters: our old characters of Pantalone, Capitano (though our new Capitano has chesticles), Francesca, and Harlequin are joined by the Widow Esmerelda and the servants Baudolino and Polly (definitely not Purebred). And they all get mixed up in the haunted mansion - that is almost all the plot we have. Before the show, audience members will be given some cards with questions to answer - those answers will be used as major plot elements in the show. And nobody in the cast gets to know those answers except the Narrator . . . until the appropriate moment!

Just in case anybody reading this wants to come see the insanity, we have shows at 8pm Thursday through Saturday for the next two weeks (Oct 26-28 and Nov 2-4). Tickets are $10 ($8 if bought in advance), or $20 for the few, special, hoity toity box seats where people get waited on by cast members and get treats not available to anybody else in the audience. The Just Off Broadway Theatre is a delightful black box theatre, nestled among some ruins which greatly resemble an old Spanish fort (some day we will do a pirate show OUTSIDE the theatre), in Penn Valley Park, Kansas Cith, MO (the theatre website is www.justoffbroadway.org).

I have been playing non-Commedia, Court-type roles at Faires all year, so I am WAAAY ready to play hard for this show. The new servant Baudolino, played by Philip Blue Owl Hooser, is the glibbest, smuggest, punniest male character Sans Arte has had since Griffin F. For dirty old men, the Widow Esmerelda was clearly built by the same Maker as Madam Red. And I have no idea how much our Capitano and Polly's performances will be affected by their background in burlesque dance.

the return of Uncle Lester

2006-09-20T03:06:19Z

Last weekend was the start of my second season as Uncle Lester, running the Pig Races at Carolyn's Country Cousin Pumpkin Patch. Again, they were delighted to see, were ecstatic that I was returning. Again, it will pay me better than did KC Renfest, and without all the manipulation and unpleasant treatment of performers by management.

I reread my favorite biography of Will Rogers to get in the right mindset for this gig. I have done so many years of childrens' theatre tI don't mind running shows for families with younger children. And the politeness and friendliness of the patrons is a gentle massage to my psyche. The new racing pig crop is still small and cute. So far my new pig wranglers are all girls; they treat the pigs nicer and show up on time, but they don't deal with loose pigs or cleaning the pens as well as the boys.

There are two new events this year. One is a Mining for Gems activity. They built a big miners' sluicebox from the well at the windmill (maybe 12' high at the top), and run the water down the troughs to a long area where kids take wire-bottomed rocker boxes with a bagful of dirt, and shake them around in the running water. The dirt washes away and the kids are left with an assortment of beautiful minerals, crystals, and other rocks. They get cards with descriptions of the categories of stones, and they can take it all home with them.

There is also a Duck Race. A series of long wooden troughs with rubber duckies have hand-operated water pumps at one end. The contestants pump water in, trying to raise and float their duckies to the end before everybody else. I haven't played it yet but I bet it will be fun.

I came up with my own small event for between Pig Races. I have made some plywood checker boards and have a bunch of old poker chips, with which we play Uncle Lester's Cheap Checkers. There are only a few rules: the most important is, if a player confuses the checkers for food or candy, they are too young to play.

I am glad I got my two weekends of near-Playtroning with friends at KC (though I was often beset by patrons who wanted directions or had questions, surprisingly many of those about Commedia Sans Arte - and I ended up helping with the Costume Contest several times). But now I am ready to run some pig races, play some checkers, and sing and play some fun old music.

Yep.

but I thought I was doing improv

2006-09-20T02:40:29Z

There is an improv showcase this Friday and Saturday evening at Union Station, with eight different improv groups between the two nights. I believe I will go see these things.

This email about the event came across the KCStage e-list:
Make reservations today to see eight local improv comedy troupes in the KC IMPROV SHOWCASE, September 29 and 30 at the H&R Block City Stage, Union Station. Top troupes come together to show KC audiences that improv is comedy, theater, art and (most of all) fun. Each show features four different groups--and a surprising mix of philosophies and styles. FRIDAY, 9/29, 7:30pm: CounterClockwise Comedy, The Coterie's "Updog's Special Friends," Hype 7 and Chaos Theatre’s “2 Much Duck." SATURDAY, 9/30, 7:30pm: ComedyCity, The Trip Fives, Improv-Abilities and Straight Man. Tickets are $15 for one show or $25 for both; call 816-460-2020 to order. For more information, visit kcimprovfestival.com.

The August issue of KCStage had an article on Counterclockwise Comedy. If the threesome lives up to the claims they made for their upcoming first improv show, the rest of us in town should find new careers. And I am saddened to discover that Commedia Sans Arte is so extinct as not to even merit historical note (as opposed to another fossil, the apparently endangered Full Frontal Comedy); I wish somebody had told me before we set our Halloween show.

Twice in the past few years I have been able to come up with time at the Just Off Broadway Theatre for area improv groups to do shows or develop a showcase or festival. Both times the response from the KCStage-reading improv community has been nil, zilch, nada. Now I hear the city3project plans to reinstate the once-famous KC Improv Festival (this weekend's shows are fundraisers for that event). If they contacted JOBTA we could probably make the space available. But I do not expect it to happen.

I guess Commedia Sans Arte should start planning to perform at the 2007 KC Fringe Festival.

playing Death

2006-09-19T15:25:25Z

A couple of days ago I agreed to help out the Just Off Broadway production of Everyman. I am now running sound for two performances, and playing the roles of Death and Strength on Wednesday night - less than 40 hours away.

It is quite a departure from the performing I have been doing lately. An actual scripted drama, and all I have to do is act. Well, that and learn all the lines, blocking, and three songs (yes, there are several songs in this production of Everyman), one of which is my solo. A couple workouts with the director and one rehearsal session with the Everyman character tomorrow afternoon a few hours before the show, and then . . . it's Showtime!

I am actually a little nervous about this one. Not so much the lines, more about the music and the blocking during it - cause I WON'T be doing what the current character is for that. He has been playing Death like a latenight version of the biker from the Village People, and that is not a style I could easily take on. My Death is looking more like a mix of Puck, Jack the Ripper, and Bugs Bunny.

It seems the only theatre work I can get in Kansas City is as a last-minute replacement. The hell with it; it means I can get away with a lot that directors might not allow if they had a full rehearsal period to beat me into submission.

I AM GOING TO HAVE FUN WITH THIS!

Faire play at KCRF - Saturday

2006-09-06T05:04:08Z

After I was again offered the better pay, more reasonable working conditions, and supportive, cheerful treatment by management, I decided to reprise my role as Uncle Lester of Uncle Lester's Pig Races rather than attempt to return to some place among the cast at KCRF. Since my gig doesn't start till after the two first weekends of Faire, Erin arranged to comp me in for the first couple of days.

Saturday I came out when I damn well felt like it, which turned out to be just after the parade. I came in wearing my Reginald the Foole outfit, and carrying the concertina in a bag. My first encounter was with Lady Grace, the delightfully dotty character I frst met at Muskogee. She was as goofy as ever, which was fun, but also flushed and trembly, which was not. She told me she had just been in the parade, and was proud that she had done the whole thing, but was ready to rest. So she sat down and listened to Karen Troeh playing the harp, and I went and got her some water. She started feeling and looking better just moments after drinking a few cups worth; amazing how much difference a little water makes (sitting quietly listening to Karen sing and play undoubtedly helped too).

I wandered around Canterbury for a while. Not one single street character approached or spoke to me for over an hour, except those veteran performers who recognized me (and who were a good part of why I came to begin with). I almost went to play with Madame Red and "the girls," since I never had adequate opportunity while working Faire, but every time I spotted them they were pretty occupied. So that encounter is still on my To Do list.

I heard from several folks that Erin had been looking for me, and I eventually caught up with her by the soup cauldron. She makes a helluva court lady. I hope the KC Queen appreciates and uses her talents as much as I know Lisa did at Muskogee and I suspect Suzi did at White Hart.

Speaking of Suzi, I stopped at Dunwoodie Dell a few times to listen to Queen's Gambit. They are right to be happy about having that stage all day, because that space and their sound QG work admirably together. They may have thought I was rude and inattentive, since I was looking at and messing with the trees around the stage more than I was watching the show. I had discovered the big tree at the back of the seating area had its annual growth of spiky thorns in full array, and as I do every time I discover them, I broke/yanked all the thorns I could reach. But I was listening very closely to the music all the while - I was even pulling thorns in rhythm. It was good to hear Suzi back in the musical mix: QG has developed an excellent ensemble sound.

I have hated those thorns since 2001, when I saw a woman holding her little boy in her arms,next to that tree. She turned and one of those thorns gouged a nasty groove along his brow just above his eye. Later in the day he wore the Old Lost Knight's helmet (over his bandage of honour) while the two of us bashed and hacked off all the thorns we could reach together, all the while calling them names like Poopyhead and Stinkyfeet. Ever since I have pulled or broken them off whenever I find them.

A goodly assortment of the Sioux City Faire folks showed up, all of whom I had so recently spent two delightful weekends instructing at their Faire Academy. The work showed: they were physically and vocally stronger and more developed in their characters. I would have gladly given and accepted happy hugs all around, EXCEPT . . . as Reginald, I am far beneath most of their stations, and I wanted the Always In Character When in Costume On Site rule to be clear. So instead I bowed and scraped, and apologized by following Lord Paulet and mocking him behind his back while the rest of them tried to keep straight faces and not let on. Sorry about that, Lyle . . .

I noticed Bob the Juggler has added a new wrinkle to his seemingly inexhaustible bag of tricks: spinning Chinese bowls on sticks. I have heard from a number of other jugglers and physical performers just how highly he is thought of in their circles, and I believe it. There are jugglers with more skill at certain individual routines, but I have never seen anyone in the circuit with mastery of more, different routines, or with a friendlier show. And as nice a guy as they come. So nice he even laughs at my jokes.

I tried watching the Chess Match, but I was standing on the ground at the side of the seating and couldn't hear/understand most of the dialogue. It seemed pretty formulaic and slow, so I gave up. I may try again next weekend - they may have more energy and confidence in their routines after a few performances.

I spent a good while listening to and playing along with Lady Nancy during her show. Every Faire she has some new material to her repertory, and even the older material sounds a little different since her trip to Ireland. She and Lord Kerridwynn are sharing the Royal Pavilion stage, which is a nice place to be till late afternoon, with the afternoon sun and louder shows competing at the nearby Three Lions stage.

During the entire afternoon I only remember two street characters I didn't know making contact with me. On the other hand, I was regularly stopped by patrons asking directions or for Faire information. It was both pleasant and irksome, first to be asked and then to realize I still know the answers. And I continue with an old habit for Faire directions, of going at least part way with the people to make sure they don't lose their way. That part is a lot easier now that I don't have any place particular to be or go myself - ah, those idiotic rotations.

Next I remember Sunday, when I damn well feel like it.

recounting history?

2006-08-30T04:54:42Z

Donald Rumsfeld dishonored his office again today, and insulted me personally, along with millions of other veterans and their families. I usually just use such things as comedy material (because the truth is so much scathingly funny than what we make up), though mostly for my own entertainment. But his speech grated too much to laugh, as it is frightenly like some other, older speeches I have read.

So here is my response:

Mr. Rumsfeld (I believe saying "Dear Mr. Rumsfeld" would be hypocritical at this point, as would shaking your hand if I met you in person):

I am a critic of the way you (personally, and as a political administration) handled the war in Iraq, from before the invasion until this moment of typing. However, your claims about me are utterly incorrect.

I am not interested in appeasing anyone; not terrorists, not political contributors, not corporate contracrtors who are making obscene profits unseen since the Vietnam war (surely ytou remember them; several members of the current administration have had long business connections and economic ties with these corporations).

I am not confused, morally or intellectually, about the present terrorist threat. Nor am I confused about the ideals on which our nation was based, or about what happens to great nations when political expediency is used as an excuse by their leaders to gain greater control over their people.

You stated, "some seem not to have learned history's lessons ..." I agree wholeheartedly with that statement. Are you among those? What terrifies me for our poor, embattled democracy is that I believe you are not among them. I believe you are fully aware that terrifying your own populace to get them to vote for security over freedom is a standard technique for demagogues and power seekers. Caesar used his people's fear of the barbarians to change Rome from a Republic to an Empire. In 1937 Stalin used fear of foreign espionage and internal sabotage to consolidate his personal power at the cost of the deaths of hundreds of thousands, and the ruination of millions, of his own people's lives. It saddens me to think that you are doing such things and saying such words in full knowledge of the road down which you are leading our nation.

Your reference to Neville Chamberlain and appeasement was, perhaps, ill chosen. The only current rhetoric that resembles the pre-World War II world situation is yours, attempting to justify administration efforts to replace citizen freedoms with stricter government controls and powers, with similarity to National Socialist speeches after the Reichstag fire. And how ironic, that you should paint Islaamic extremists with the fascist tarbrush, while stridently insisting that eavesdropping and other reductions of American citizens' liberties are necessary to fight our insidious foe, and that all Americans who do not agree with you are fools and cowards. I suspect Senator McCarthy and Dr. Goebbels are applauding you from hell.

Your comparison of the newsworthiness of a Medal of Honor winner and systematic abuses of prisoners is also inappropriate. It appears nothing more than self-interested, calculated, political "spin" intended to misdirect attention from something bad the administration allowed to happen, to something valorous that an individual did which you now seek to use for reflected glory. I am reminded of the Wizard of Oz - "PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN!" Look only upon the public visage of the Great and Powerful Oz the Beneficent.

The abuse of prisoners was not a myth or lie, though you framed the phrase (pun honestly intended) to make it seem so.

I am not a coward, even though (and certainly not because) I disagree with you about many things, not just the way you conducted the war. Nor are millions of other Americans (including Medal of Honor winners). By the way, perhaps you have forgotten you told us the war in Iraq was over quite some time ago. I have not forgotten.

All this makes you a liar. You were given the great honor and responsibility of your position. Please do not continue to confuse it with that of Reichminister of Propaganda (some of us have learned history's lessons very well).

the law is an ass

2006-08-16T02:40:27Z

The title of this posting comes from Oliver Twist, a work of fiction. But here are some items from court proceedings that confirm it (I have heard a few of these before, but not all at once):

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________ __________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one...
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
___________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

White Hart bottom line

2006-08-09T05:39:12Z

I am looking forward to this next year of developing the White Hart Renaissance Faire as its Entertainment Director. I certainly did not do it for the money. I am looking forward to the challenge of developing the highest possible standard of performance within the limitations of budget, talent and resources, while maintaining the highest possible level of audience AND participant satisfaction and enjoyment.

The whole project reminds me of a statement of Thoreau's, which is approximately: So you have built your castle in the air. Good. That is where they should be. Now build a foundation under it.

It will be interesting to hear what people think are the requirements for making the best Faire in the region . . .

KC Playwrights Festival

2006-08-02T20:49:03Z

When the Just Off Broadway Theatre Association recently discovered that none of the people who have run the KC Playwrights Festival the past few years (or who insisted we reserve a week for it on our busy theatre schedule) were working on the event for this year, it started slipping away, just like the official fund raising week did earlier this year.

Despite my being heavily involved in JOB's KC Fringe Festival stuff (16 performances of 4 shows inside, several shows outside, and 2 visual artist displays to insert somewhere in the space, all in about 72 hours), I decided to commit to seeing the Playwright Festival did not go down the tubes like the Fund Raising Week.

So now I have 15 plays of various sizes and types, with varying size casts, to be read aloud for the public at the theatre this Friday evening through Sunday afternoon. The short prep time makes it almost impossible for rehearsal readings before the public ones, so they will be spontaneous though unpolished.

Most of the playwrights are very happy to have these readings, though a few seem to have wanted fancy, high publicity STAGED readings. But between the short development time and the desire to accomodate a lot of writers rather than pamper a few, I am not worrying about it too much. I know when I have had my scripts read aloud, they have really opened my mind to the words and characters in new ways.

Now I am scrambling for readers, with 15 scripts and an average of five characters per show. I have a number of "maybe" readers, who have not responded with final confirmations that they will actually show up. I have only put myself in a couple of the roles so far; I want to stay uncommitted in case we lose a reader come performance time.

I would do this again next year, but next time I will START as the person in charge and start several months ahead.

And some more fun

2006-07-07T06:37:00Z

Tomorrow (oops, looking at the time, today) I will do something I haven't done since leaving the Mouse House. I am going to the opening day of a movie! And at the grand reopening of a historical movie house no less!

emeder and I will be going to the 1pm screening of Pirates of the Caribbean: The Cash Cow Moos Again, at the newly remodeled and reopening Granada Theatre in Kansas City, KS (where I attended my first movie theatre movie sometime when Lyndon Johnson was President). We had even considered going in pirate and wench garb (ahem, me as pirate, her as wench, it's much better that way).

The sea has strongly touched this Kansas boy. I have a kickass pirate outfit I used in tathataboy's Christmas Carol satire, Xmas Marks the Spot, I have sailed on the open Pacific, watched whales off Pebble Beach, shared the water with dolphins or porpoises in two oceans and the Gulf Coast, and I started learning nautical songs and chanteys in Monterey, CA, in 1974 ...

But I will be heading down to White Hart Faire immediately after the movie, and that will be enough costumes for this weekend.

Potential Good Vehicle News

2006-06-07T18:05:12Z

I will soon have a replacement for the stolen van. My oldest sister has a spare vehicle, a white four door (I think a Chevy) with about 150,000 miles and a decade or so on it. So I can buy/barter work for the car.

Unfortunately, the car was stolen a year ago (in KCK) and when they got it back, they had to replace the steering column and ignition (the thieves broke it to start the car). And they have misplaced the only new key for the new ignition. On the other hand, they have lots of keys for the doors and trunk.

Not a very good day

2006-06-07T00:51:31Z

My van was stolen today , from the parking lot of the Just Off Broadway Theatre in KCMO, in the middle of the afternoon. I was inside the theatre, painting the office and having a meeting with the JOBTA treasurer (who wondered but didn't ask me how I got there since my van wasn't outside).

And the theatre phones are not working so I had to walk a good ways to Subway, where they let me use the phone to call the police and emeder.

No matter what happens it is probably a total loss. An 11-year old minivan with 150,000 miles and significant hail damage, with liability insurance only. Even if some PD finds it, the towing and storage fees, plus the necessary repairs for the probable broken window and damaged or destroyed steering column, will be more than its value.

My first trip in whatever vehicle I come up with as a replacement will be to buy a "club" for the steering wheel.

I have a lot of hours and miles of memories in that van. Fortunately, all the Faire stuff that was in it a few days ago had been emptied out. The only other stuff of importance I lost was a dozen of my favorite cds and plugin cd player, which had kept us company to and from Muskogee last month.

Sad.

Curious, George?

2006-06-02T19:17:45Z

I just heard about George Clooney doing a remake of The Seven Samurai. Seems pretty stupid to me.

The original cast was phenomenal, the cinematography was superb, the story was epic . . . what could a remake offer? Color film? That would be different, but not better than the moody, carefully framed black and white of the first. CGI violence? Digital tricks don't impress me like finely choreographed swordplay and horsemanship (same reason I would not be impressed by a digitally animated Cirque de Soleil show). A better cast? The original Japanese cast is as testosterone and talent loaded as The Longest Day. The Magnificent Seven and The Wild Bunch are interesting westernized remakes, but they don't touch the original. More action packed? High body counts do not equal better film, some of the slow sequences are the most portentous and meaningful.

The original is about bravery in adversity, about the strength of comradeship, about honor. Sometimes heroes don't wear shining armor. And they rarely save the world, just help a few people in need. Sometimes the price is steep. And the most a man can hope for is that someone will remember.

The Order of the Moron

2006-05-31T05:58:35Z

There are two Faire awards I have received that I am very proud of.

The first is The Old Lost Knight Sir Richard's selection as Kinght of the Garter by Queen Elizabeth perhaps half a decade ago. It has only been worn on four occasions since, all appropriate to Sir Richard and Her Majesty, aka rowangolightly.

The second is a special medal with the Imperial double eagle on the face, given so far to a mere four recipients. I received it under the title Charles V, during this just-completed OK Renfest. I shall henceforth refer to it as the Order of the Moron (those who ought know why, and those who wish to know must be prepared to hear a tale spanning numerous drinks - especially the seaman's drink). I will treasure it as highly as I do Sir Richard's Garter.

There may be future recipients of the Order of the Moron, but there should be a review board of previous recipients to make any nominations and selections. This honor cannot be bought: it must be earned.

I am proud to be an original Moron.

a funny thing happened on the way to Castleton

2006-05-31T05:26:49Z

Actually, a heckuva lot of funny things happened during the four weekends of the 2006 Oklahoma RenFest. Here are some favorite things to jog my memory years from now.

Angus and his diminutive buddy after their elevation to guard status and proper arming and armoring. There BETTER be some photos around of that!

My regular guards Hanz and Franz, and their accomplices Pierre and Don Luis, cheering atop the castle upon hearing my announcement that they were all imbeciles (after being caught in flagrante delecto replacing the usual banner with a German one). This occurred almost immediately after our temporary claiming of the Scarlet Pillow in Our Imperial Majesty's name, whilst the ladies were occupying Angusland.

Hearing the Saga of the Niblet (singular) from our dear Egg Lady. dwimmerlaik's Lidless Eye was certainly matched by nottygypsy's next-morning Water Supply. If I had seen it rather than just heard about it I would have probably injured myself.

The Story of Don Luis sent to the Corner during the Queen's Tea. My condolences to the musical troupe that had to perform during that masterpiece of comic upstaging.

After the surprise disembowelling of Sir Geoffery at the Joust, when he spoke his final words, "I hate you all!"

My first hug from little Lady Bethany.

The occasional young man at the knighting ceremony who was clearly taking knightly vows and not just repeating words.

The Faire favours I was given by some of the Fairekids.

Jenga doing a brief, very kabukiesque dance with a fan he had just captured from Pandora during the chessmatch.

The drunken Irish patrons who stuck me up with spoons under thievish instruction, then proceeded to hand me the spoons so we could explore the best fighting stances, then took them back and went looking for my Chancellor of the Exchequer since he had all my money.

Angus accidentally pointing at me when he called Hans and Franz idiots, and the ensuing mess which actively involved no less than 9 performers and 12 patrons by my count, and that is BEFORE taking it all to Royal Court.

The Tipping War that King Henry and I got into (which was almost as funny for Howl-O and Lady Nancy as it was profitable for them).

Our daily horoscope from the storyteller/astrologer.

Ave Imperator

2006-05-25T05:21:42Z

The final week of my adventure as Charles V, Holy Roman Emperor at the Oklahoma Renfest, approaches. And in a tradition begun by my Commedia Sans Arte comrades, here are some personal highlights:

- playing street stuff with Hans and Franz, as my German mercenary guards. Their jovial imbecility keeps me hard pressed not to bust out in guffaws, particularly the way they will run with any idiotic idea I present them.

- the phenomenal luck with which every patron I choose for major public interaction is ready and willing to play hard and well: from the playtron Knight Hospitaller in reproduction quality full mail and gear who gave the "What Is A Knight" speech for the Childrens Knighting, to the season regular patron who was my first choice to join Henry and Charles for our 1pm dinner joust, to the kid who served as barrister for the defense at a delightfully silly Royal Court case between Angus the Scot and Franz (just to name 3 of many).

- Having Bob the Juggler tell me to "Be careful" getting on a platform at the front gate one day, and returning the favor at his stage the next day.

- the look in the eyes of a young man as he accepts the responsibilities attendant on knighthood (honesty, obedience, mercy, strength of character), when I change his Childrens Knighting from a game into a preview of honorable manhood.

- watching my real-life lady doing an outstanding job in the mostly thankless role of a true Lady in Waiting to the Queen.

- interacting with Don Luis, my Spanish Ambassador to the English Court, who could be named "Mucho Pomposo", and who plays the comic foil villain to perfection.

- annoying King Henry with constant little jabs about his behavior and the size of our respective fiefdoms; after a brief period of confusion (nobody could ever get away with talking back to him before), and he can't do that to me), John has gotten enthusiastic about the verbal sparring.

- finding different ways each day to present the required subjects at Royal Court; season ticket holders deserve at least that much, and this way we always include patrons in the action.

- new (to me) stage performer discovery Heather Alexander. Also one of my big regrets, as I would love to sing and play some music with her and can't in this role.

Great old movies, verse one

2006-02-12T05:27:50Z

I was cataloguing my movies on dvd and vhs, and was looking for easily accessible production info. Many of the sites I checked out were personal, nonprofessional movie reviews of "old movies." Most of these films were made all the way back in the 1990s. Ahem.

So I am going to start offering up, on a very irregular basis, some of my favorite films. They are in no specific order of preference, no era or genre limitations; just some names of movies I love, and why I love them.

Even though all the names I listed above are known for comedies, my first film is a drama: The Best Years of Our Lives. Produced by Samuel Goldwyn and directed by William Wilder (ever notice that when he directed comedies, his credit usually reads "Billy" instead of "William" Wilder?), it starred Dana Andrews, Myrna Loy, Fredric March and Virginia Mayo. Released in 1946, it won multiple Oscars: Best Picture, Best Actor, and Best Screenplay, among others.

Based on a novel, it is a character study of three WWII veterans returning home at the end of the war, to face futures utterly unlike the lives they left behind when they went to war, and families and friends who have continued their own lives in the vets' absence. The characters and situations are fascinating and usually believable. The lead performers do an outstanding job despite the occasional jingoistic and melodramatic excesses common to Hollywood in the period, and especially Samuel Goldwyn productions. I am happily distracted by the delightfully low-key (but always on-key) supporting work of Hoagie Carmichael as a bar owner, and touched by the less professionally played but riveting role played by Harold Russell, one of the veterans, who had (both character and actor) lost both of his hands in the war. He won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar for the role, probably less for his acting skills than his honesty and courage in playing it.

Another scene that hits me outside the movie framework is one where Dana Andrews, a former bomber pilot, finds a field full of rows of fighters and bombers, lined up in rows, their painted pinup gal logos and bombing mission markers still on their fuselages. They are being stripped and dismantled, a graveyard for the now worthless machines that helped win the war, in some of which American boys undoubtedly died bloodily. This scene hits me on a personal level, as a veteran of that undeclared Cold War with the now-extinct Soviet Union, to which I lost friends in ways and places that will never be known, and no longer matter to anyone but those who were involved.

The black and white film accentuates the moods. The music (other than Hoagy and some of the jazz in nightclub scenes) is predictable and overdone for my taste, but at the time it was good enough to also get an Oscar. The happy ending comes off a bit pat and contrived, but that's what the country needed in 1946.

Unfortunately, the dvd copy I recently picked up used originally had a collectible booklet, which was long gone when I acquired it. Thank god that now they usually just put the good stuff on the dvds in special features.

Next time, a comedy . . .